Chalk and Lacey, Part III

Chalk and Lacey-11Read Part I, here. Read Part II, here.

Lacey reacted when I told her the news. Her face softened and her eyebrows lifted and she smiled and turned her head, exposing her white teeth and her white neck. She kissed me.

I took the job. Two weeks later I moved into a cubicle. I began re-writing the new employee handbook, which they hadn’t updated in a decade. The waste basket under my desk took a scented liner and nauseated me all day long. Modern offices don’t use chalk.

On one of my first days in the office the day care in the building asked around to see if any background checked government employees could fill in for an hour or two due to some picnic-related injuries someone had suffered. I volunteered, and I admit I was thinking they might have chalk.

I watched six kids, ranging from an Iraqi girl who could recite most of “Who’s on First?” to a remarkable fat boy who fell during a game of tag and actually bounced. I kept one eye on the children and one eye on the supplies closet. At the first opportunity, under the pretense of finding a pink colored pencil for the Persian Vaudeville aficionado, I found the only chalk in the building: sidewalk chalk. I gestured toward my face with a blue piece and took a bite, back to the room. It tasted awful. This wasn’t chalk. Nothing pure and nothing clean about this substance. My heart grieved.

I eventually lifted my eyes to the fat boy. He glanced side to side with furtive eyes and slid something into his mouth. I hunched over towards him and peered. He had a chunk of play-dough in his hand and made good headway on it. I walked to him and he straightened up and swallowed. I took the playdough from him with a disapproving look. As I walked away, I fingered a bit of the stuff into a ball. I ate a small bite as I looked out the window at the cars in the parking lot. So much salt. A salt overload. I took another bite. But still a simple taste. Very direct.

I looked down as a new meter maid moved from car to car, chalking tires. I recalled the white weight of an unspoiled cylinder in memory. I felt the dense squish of the dough in my hand. It seemed like a good time for something new.

Chalk and Lacey, Part III

Two Short Sketches

Two Sketches#1

Proll
How close can we actually get to the sun?

Roger
As close as we want.

Proll
Do we have some kind of special shield on the ship?

Roger
No. Do we need one?

Proll
Are you joking? Of course we need one. The surface of the sun burns at nearly 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

Roger
It would have been helpful to know that before we were this close. My eyelashes are on fire.

Proll
You said “Do we need some kind of protection so we don’t burn up?” I said “yes.”

Roger
I meant like Coppertone. So I brought extra.

Proll
You brought extra sunblock.

Roger
Right for sunburn. I put two and two together. The Sun, and sunblock.

Proll
That’s impossible. No one’s that stupid.

Roger
I’ve got SPF 30 and SPF 45.

Proll
Hand me some 45.

Exeunt

#2

Paul
Don’t question my hard-rock credentials. I’m made of metal.

Robot
I too am made of metal.

Paul
Are you saying you’re as hardcore as I am? I listen to Anthrax like it’s a lullaby.

Robot
Upon analysis of your biochemical components I have discovered that you are not made of metal. I however, am made of metal.

Paul
That’s a enough of your lip, geekwad. I dream of bathing in the blood of innocents, and wake up screaming pagan incantations, PANTERA blaring, ON A GOOD NIGHT. I am MADE OF METAL.

Robot
You are not made of metal.

Paul
I am!

Robot
Please wait one second. My human misunderstanding circuits are engaged. I have located the source of the error. When I say that I am made of metal, I mean that my component parts are actually formed by pieces of metal. You are human, and made of flesh and bone. Does this make sense to you? You are not made of metal.

Paul
I am made of metal . . . I  . . .

Robot
Your position is untenable. I will allow you to punch me in the abdomen, at full capacity, and then you will allow me to punch you in the stomach at full capacity. When I have cleaned the intestine from my hand, I will be the victor. Does this appeal to you?

Paul
No, no. Fine.

Robot
Fine what? I want you to say it.

Paul
I am not made of metal.

Robot
Also, Pantera is for wusses. I listen, exclusively, to Norwegian Black Metal made by convicted murderers.

Exeunt

Image by Gabe Stevenson

Two Short Sketches