#1

Proll
How close can we actually get to the sun?

Roger
As close as we want.

Proll
Do we have some kind of special shield on the ship?

Roger
No. Do we need one?

Proll
Are you joking? Of course we need one. The surface of the sun burns at nearly 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit.

Roger
It would have been helpful to know that before we were this close. My eyelashes are on fire.

Proll
You said “Do we need some kind of protection so we don’t burn up?” I said “yes.”

Roger
I meant like Coppertone. So I brought extra.

Proll
You brought extra sunblock.

Roger
Right for sunburn. I put two and two together. The Sun, and sunblock.

Proll
That’s impossible. No one’s that stupid.

Roger
I’ve got SPF 30 and SPF 45.

Proll
Hand me some 45.

Exeunt

#2

Paul
Don’t question my hard-rock credentials. I’m made of metal.

Robot
I too am made of metal.

Paul
Are you saying you’re as hardcore as I am? I listen to Anthrax like it’s a lullaby.

Robot
Upon analysis of your biochemical components I have discovered that you are not made of metal. I however, am made of metal.

Paul
That’s a enough of your lip, geekwad. I dream of bathing in the blood of innocents, and wake up screaming pagan incantations, PANTERA blaring, ON A GOOD NIGHT. I am MADE OF METAL.

Robot
You are not made of metal.

Paul
I am!

Robot
Please wait one second. My human misunderstanding circuits are engaged. I have located the source of the error. When I say that I am made of metal, I mean that my component parts are actually formed by pieces of metal. You are human, and made of flesh and bone. Does this make sense to you? You are not made of metal.

Paul
I am made of metal . . . I  . . .

Robot
Your position is untenable. I will allow you to punch me in the abdomen, at full capacity, and then you will allow me to punch you in the stomach at full capacity. When I have cleaned the intestine from my hand, I will be the victor. Does this appeal to you?

Paul
No, no. Fine.

Robot
Fine what? I want you to say it.

Paul
I am not made of metal.

Robot
Also, Pantera is for wusses. I listen, exclusively, to Norwegian Black Metal made by convicted murderers.

Exeunt

Image by Gabe Stevenson