I’m a pretty girl who’s popular and good at school and I play basketball and do cheerleading.

I also have telekinetic powers.

Telekinetic powers let me move things with my mind. So I can put on makeup while I’m driving.

It’s helpful after basketball practice when I’m on my way to a date with my boyfriend, Russ.

I can just put on my makeup without using my hands, making the brushes and pencils float around in front of my face.

Russ and I like to help out at a soup kitchen.

That’s our idea of a fun date, helping others who are much less fortunate than ourselves.

At the soup kitchen, I use my telekinetic powers to give really light shoulder massages to the homeless guys.

I read that homeless guys often haven’t been touched in a kind way by anyone in years.

So I thought it would be nice if there were a way to give them an almost subconscious feeling of human contact.

Telekinesis lets me do that without being inappropriate.

It’s cool, because the shoulder massages do seem to help, but I don’t have to actually touch the homeless guys.

So it’s win-win.

I haven’t told Russ about my telekinetic powers yet. But we’re both very trusting in our relationship.

When I do tell Russ about my powers, I think he’ll handle it really well, because he’s cool under pressure and not high-strung or conceited.

I’ve done a little bit of research into telekinesis and it turns out that people usually get their telekinetic powers when they undergo a stressful event of some kind.

That’s true of me.

I first got my telekinetic powers in a situation where I was under a lot of stress.

I have a job serving coffee in a coffee kiosk in the parking lot of a Home Depot. But that job isn’t stressful at all.

Everyone’s so nice when they order coffee and they tip me really well.

All I have to do is be kind and friendly and pay attention and everything goes really smoothly.

I guess I just have to be myself.

So my job wasn’t the source of stress.

I saved up my money from the coffee job and went halfsies with my dad on a Jetta.

When we bought the Jetta, we got a loan, and I had to sign the papers. We didn’t need to get the loan, because I’d saved up half of the entire amount, and Dad was paying the rest and he definitely didn’t need the loan, because the Lord has been very good to him.

We were taking the loan out because actually being on the loan and paying it back would help establish a credit history for me.

Which is really important for my future.

Russ and I are both thinking about our future. He’s already taken out a loan and paid it back and has great credit.

He used the loan to buy a really nice zero point turning radius mower and makes amazing money on the weekends.

He practically has enough for a downpayment on a house. It’s hard for me to not think “our house” even though I know we’re young and need to stay open to a multiplicity of paths.

And all of that was going on in my mind in the moment that I was signing and I was so excited and nervous that I couldn’t remember my signature.

I’ve practiced my signature like a whole lot, all over my notebooks at school, so this was freaking me out.

I just sat there looking at the papers and trying to make it look like I was reading them very carefully, but I was actually just trying to remember how to write my name.

I’ve never been so stressed out in my whole life.

And that’s when the pen started to float out of my hand.

I found that I could twitch my mind and bring the pen back to my hand. No one noticed.

I held the pen, and then I suddenly remembered how to write my signature.

Then I wrote my signature with my mind and it came out perfect. My hand was holding the pen, but my mind was doing all the work.

Now that I can just use my mind to write my signature, I do it perfectly every time.

I signed the papers and we got the loan and bought the car.

The sales guy at the car lot was like, “Very nice signature.”

I love that car so much. It has a high safety rating, which really gives me peace of mind.

I’ve found that are pretty much no downsides to being telekinetic.

Except that one lame thing is that the homeless guys at the soup kitchen have all ended up getting jobs and apartments and getting back into society. It seems unlikely that this is a result of the light shoulder massages, but I guess I don’t know for sure that it isn’t.

So the soup kitchen closed down, and now Russ and I feel a little restless and don’t have any good ideas for nice dates.

So that’s lame.