On the bulletin board outside the co-op hangs a poster. In the center of the poster is a grainy black and white photo 5 kittens. Above the photo is the text “OUR KITTIES NEED HOMES”.

Below the photo, the following:

As you may remember, we posted a warning here about some people who had harassed our kittens. Apparently, that flyer ran afoul of some of the rules of the co-op bulletin board. Fair enough. The thing is, we still have kitties who need to find a home.

So here are some more in-depth descriptions of our cats, so you know when to expect when you come to meet these little fluffballs.

1 – Joey is a classic bad boy with a devil-may-care attitude. He smokes, but he’s cutting back and trying to quit. Is that a switchblade he’s pulling out? No, it’s just a comb. He likes looking good and charming the ladies. As a bonus, Joey’s new humans will receive a two month supply of feline nicotine patches.

2 – Did you hear an explosion? It’s just Dr. Mittens in the lab with another experiment gone haywire. He’s quiet and absent-minded, but don’t let that fool you! If you see him on the basketball court, slow your roll! He’s a threat from the outside, but isn’t afraid to drive. His favorite way to hydrate after some intense three-on-three? Milk.

3 – Ally McBeale, look out! Because here comes Catty McBeale, a no-nonsense career girl who believes that people who live below glass ceilings should throw rocks. She’s a feminist, but if we’re being honest, she loves cooking and knitting too. Don’t let this kitty get into the yarn . . . unless you want a beautiful, heirloom-quality afghan knitted overnight!

4 – Woah, woah, woah! Turn down that Joy Division 7 inch record, Skips! I can barely hear myself think! Skips is a real audiophile who loves new wave and post-punk almost as much as he loves reading compilations of Hitler’s speeches. He has some problems with much of what Hitler accomplished, but, says Skips, you have to admit that he was a world-class communicator and got results.

*We do not support this view of Hitler, but we’re trying to accurately reflect Skips’ deeply held convictions on the matter.*

5 – Don’t disturb Suzuki. She’s been meditating for 5 hours straight, experiencing ego death and a total dissolution of the self into the cosmic void. Her concentration is total . . . unless she happens to smell CATNIP. Then she becomes a total goofball! When she’s on one of her catnip binges, look out! If she met the buddha on the road, she might LICK HIM TO DEATH.

All of our cats are committed to sustainable agricultural practices and believe—strongly—in building topsoil.

Come see us soon to decide which of these little bundles you want to go home with!

And if you happen to know the couple who harassed our cats, let them know that we forgive them. We’re moving on.