The following script is designed with low-budget production in mind. While it may sound complicated, the only real difficulty will be in casting and training talented animal performers, of which I’m sure there’s an abundance.

Fade in: Guy is greeted by coworker. Coworker winks and does the gun finger. Guy looks very impressed with this.

Cut to: Guy greets coworker and does a really weird winking thing, where it looks like one eye is seizing. Coworker looks weirded out. Guy has an expression like, “I don’t know if I’m ever going to figure this out.”

Cut to: Guy sees coworker and then shoots up his finger. The coworker’s face contorts. He grabs at his chest as though he’s been shot. Guy is pretty impressed by this. But the coworker continues to grab at his chest. Guy thinks this is super funny. The coworker drops to the floor and remains there. Guy is laughing his ass off. Another coworker runs up to the fallen man, checks his pulse. She shakes her head. The guy looks down at his hand, still with the finger extended, still with the thumb erect. He’s horrified. He throws his hand away. It skitters across the floor.

Cut to: Helicopters sweeping the area. A manhunt ensues.

Cut to: Guy running to a Wendy’s. He ducks inside the Wendy’s as bullets raid down on the doors. The glass is bullet proof. He goes inside.

Cut to: the guy ordering. He points at the menu and talks to the people behind the counter. He pays. We hear occasional rifle fire, and the impact of a bullet on the bulletproof glass.

Cut to: A cashier takes the guy’s money back to a scale. He puts the money on the scale, the scale tips, and the money slides down into a hamster cage. The hamster is inflamed by greed and runs on his exercise wheel to get the money. The power of the hamster’s running initiates a hand which tosses a burger onto a grill. The smell of the burger on the grill incites another hamster to jump onto his hamster wheel. We realize that this hamster is remembering the smell of his brother burning alive in a heating pad tragedy and that the hamster only finds solace in exercise.

The hamster’s exertions result in a number of convict hamsters being electrocuted for heinous crimes. A small group of hamsters in tiny little chairs watch from another room.

A lengthy appeals process—we see it in its entirety, in tiny little hamster offices, conducted by tiny little hamster lawyers, judges, and clerks—finally reveals that one of those hamsters was wrongly convicted. We learn that this hamster’s younger brother went to law school and passed the bar and had almost fought through a corrupt system to save him, but a clerical error resulted in the elder hamster’s execution a month ahead of schedule. He was supposed to be one of the hamsters in the room in a tiny little chair, but he was removed earlier, screaming for them to stop. The injustice drives the younger brother to train in order that he might exact his terrible revenge. He gets on his hamster wheel and starts to run. We see that this has been a movie trailer.

Title: The Dawn’s Song, a film by Ron Howard

A theater full of hamsters claps and hollers from their tiny little theater seats.

The trailer fades out and we see that the energy created by that wheel powers a machine that creates the rest of the food, packs it all into boxes and a bag and then places it onto a tray. A normal electric conveyor belt delivers the food to the cashier.

Cut to: the guy getting his food from the cashier, as well as boxes of ammunition. The guy sits at a table and eats. He loads clips with bullets from the boxes while he eats.

Cut to: The guy waving and leaving. The team smiles and waves back. The guy ducks out the door and runs.

Title: Wendy’s. EAT.