Burritos

Gabe
. . . and I went over and had burritos at the Mahoneys’.

Josh
Oh . . .

Gabe
Have you ever been over to their place? They have a huge mortgage.

Josh
So what did you eat?

Gabe
What?

Josh
What did you eat over there?

Gabe
I said we had burritos.

Josh
Oh, okay.

Gabe
Anyway, their mortgage was like . . .

Josh
So, just a big pot of burritos for dinner?

Gabe
Well, no. Burritos.

Josh
Oh. Oh! I had heard that they, nevermind. Obviously not a pot.

Gabe
Yeah. Right. Anyway, it’s this enormous, thirty-year . . .

Josh
When they serve burritos is it like, they do them really finely chopped, like minced burritos?

Gabe
What do you mean? Like is the meat in the burrito is minced?

Josh
Yeaaahhh, right. The meat, like that’s inside, the burrito.

Gabe
No, it was just regular burrito meat.

Josh
Oh . . . yeah.

Gabe
Like ground beef.

Josh
Oh! Oh. Yeah. Sure. Just like ground beef in the burrito. Normal burrito meat.

Gabe
Why are you so interested in the burritos?

Josh
I’m not, there’s just, um curious about the Mahoneys and the way they do burritos.

Gabe
Like normal burritos with rice, and beans, and lettuce and cheese and whatever. Are you writing this down?

Josh
No. I’m writing down something else. Did they do anything else strange with their burritos?

Gabe
Um . . . I guess the way they wrapped them was a little funny.

Josh
Oh, so they wrap their burritos. Right. I feel like I’ve never really heard of a wrapped burrito either, so that is strange.

Gabe
I mean, all burritos are wrapped.

Josh
Well . . .

Gabe
Do you not know what a burrito is?

Josh
I have no . . . what is a burrito?


Bigs ups to my brother, Gabe, without whom like none of this would have been possible.

Burritos

Moses, According to Caleb

A couple weeks ago I was sitting in the teriyaki chicken place, Red Bento, with Caleb, and I could tell he had something to say, so I delayed by immediately wondering out loud about this whole Red Bento issue. “Why must the Bento be red?” was my question. Caleb is my younger brother. I’ve made him cry in public more recently than it would appropriate for me to say. Two months ago.

When I concluded with, “and it’s the whole mind-body duality that we’re really at war with,” Caleb nodded and then waited for me to say more, but I’d harvested every field of inane banter on my topic.

“Here’s something I was thinking about,” Caleb said. Right then our server came for our orders.

When he left, Caleb began again.

“I was thinking,” he said, and was interrupted by another server bringing miso soup.

“Do you know the end of Exodus 4?” He pointed his forehead at me, an angle of intense inquiry.

I wanted to best him with instant recall of the passage, but failing that I said, “In the Bible?”

“Exodus, second book of the Bible, chapter 4. End of the chapter, I don’t remember the verses.”

I looked at Caleb.

“Do you know it?” he said.

“Yes.” I didn’t.

Caleb stuck out his lower lip and nodded.

“As you know, it’s where Moses is heading out of Midian, back to free the Hebrews from Pharaoh, and the Lord shows up and wants to kill him.”

“Right. Coming back from Midian,” I said, making a limp gesture.

“Every time I read that passage, it sticks out to me. I’ve never understood why God wants to kill Moses.”

“But now you think you do,” I said. Our food arrived and deplaned.

“Yeah,” he said, rubbing his chopsticks together in a vigorous attempt either to remove splinters or start a fire.

“It’s because he’s a dick,” Caleb said.

Continue reading “Moses, According to Caleb”

Moses, According to Caleb